~Summer is right around the corner. You know what that means? Cook-outs, sunscreen, summer fruit… and bikinis. *cue Twilight Zone music*
~That’s right ladies- bikini time. And for those of you who actually do physical activity over the winter (freaks), this is no problem. You can put on your skimpy little bathing suit and look sexy at the pool.
~However, us theater kids and techies and history buffs are allergic to strenuous activity. We sit around on our fat asses all winter, chomping on noms, and then summer comes and smacks us in the face. We don’t look sexy in the spring. If we want to look good, we have to work for it. (See how I made us look dedicated even though we don’t exercise all winter?)
~This is my problem. I’m a biological mess, with loose ligaments and back problems and multiple ankle sprains… so I’m forbidden by my doctor to run. Well, this presents a wee little problem, doesn’t it? Spring rolls around and I’m a fat sack who gets winded from walking up the stairs. And I don’t like how my tummy looks in a bikini.
~So you say, “Emily, you’re dumb. Just exercise! You’ll look better!” Well, folks, it ain’t that easy. Give me a form of cardio that doesn’t involve running, jumping, or anything with a partner. Or swimming. Basically, that leaves swinging my arms and legs around like an idiot. (Which, might I add, is extremely tiring.) And then I can’t do crunches, because it aggravates my back.
~I think God is telling me that I’m destined to be fat.
